Episode 71: What To Say Instead of Sorry

What we say matters and how we say it matters.

A few years back a dear friend shared a fascinating article she had read about why you should stop apologizing at the workplace and she challenged me to stop saying "I'm sorry" in texts and emails. I said, "Challenge accepted." Little did I know how eye opening and lie changing it would be for me.

I had no idea I apologized so much.

When used sparingly and sincerely the words "I'm sorry" can be powerful words that engender healing, trust and respect.  But how often have you uttered the words when you haven't actually made a mistake or offended anyone?  The words have become a thoughtless filler; a habit instead of stemming from humility.

A TRUE APOLOGY; which comes from confidence and love is...
1. Heartfelt instead of empty filler.
2. Comes from humility instead of habit.
3. It means you take responsibility.
4. It means you are ready to make a change.
5. It is used sparingly so it doesn't become watered down and less impactful.

Versus an EMPTY APOLOGY; which comes from insecurity, self doubt and low self esteem. Which can...
1-make people feel uncomfortable 

2-make people feel like they can’t trust you 

3-make people doubt your abilities or feel like they can’t count on you

4-make people lose respect for you or think that they can walk all over you

5-make people feel annoyed or that you are making a bigger deal out of something than it is.
Those are not the kinds of relationships we want to build whether it is with our friends or with our co-workers and boss at work! 

Are you even aware of how often you say sorry? 
What fuels your apologies?

Studies have shown that women say “I’m sorry” more than men…but it isn’t because men don’t own their actions or don’t want to appear weak.  Studies found that both men and women apologize when they perceive they’ve done something wrong…it is just that women think they’ve done something wrong more often.  

Using the tools I will share with you today will help you own your actions in an empowering way and help others see you with more respect, trust and confidence.

  1. Notice.

  2. Thank you. 

  3. I desire. I hope. I plan.

  4. Respond with action instead of the word.

  5. I understand. 

  6. Is now a good time?

  7. Leave out the word.

  8. Acknowledge the circumstance instead of taking the blame.

Listen to a series that will help you understand why you over apologize!! 

Boundaries Part 1 Why You Should Set Boundaries
Boundaries Part 2: Why We Struggle Setting Healthy Ones
Boundaries Part 3: Signs You Need A Boundary
Boundaries Part 4: How To Set Boundaries That Deepen Relationships

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Episode 72: How to Have an "I Think I Can" Mindset

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Episode 70: BOUNDARIES (Part 4) How To Set Boundaries That Deepen Relationships