Episode 75: Relationships-Why Do I Say What I Say & Do What I Do?
Airplane pilots fly in autopilot more than 90% of a flight...when we try to fly through life on autopilot we tend to say things and act a certain way based off our primitive instinct to "avoid pain, seek pleasure and conserve energy".
Check out psychologist Douglas Lisle's work!
If we are on autopilot in our interactions with others we will crash and burn those relationships. How do we create more meaningful, deeper relationships with friends, family, co-workers etc?
1. Acknowledge your WHY...what hidden motivators are fueling your words and actions?
-Is it to avoid pain/uncomfortable feelings/hard truths?
-Is it because you want to fix the other person so you feel better?
-Do you become a people pleaser?
When we let go of our hidden motivators we are able to better observe and actually give inspired support when people ask for it.
2. The quality of our thoughts about the other person affects the quality of our relationship with them...
-ie Think negatively about them = will have a negative relationship with them
-We can't change the other person, just shift the energy by how we treat them and how we think about them
-What we resist becomes stronger and grows...what can you accept and love about the other person?
-What RULES do we need to let go of & what boundaries do we need to set so we can stop judging.
3. People are doing the best they can and so are we.
-Charity will achieve what hate and contention never can.
4. Power of pause.
Unlike an airplane flight, there isn't a destination in relationships. There is joy in the connections and lessons to be learned. So PAUSE AND ASK, "WHAT IS IMPORTANT NOW?"
-really ask yourself what is the thing you value most in the relationship?
This will help you let go of the rules and the should be's and the could be's...
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