Episode 111: Confessions of a 16 year-old Perfectionist
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Today you’ll hear the perspective of a 16 year-old perfectionist; how perfectionism shows up in her life, how it effects her life in a negative way and how she actively makes gains in changing her mindset.
1. When did you realize you were a perfectionist and how does the need for perfection manifest in your life?
All of nothing or catastrophic thinking
Highly critical of self/put pressure on yourself
Heightened anxiety/irrational fears
Think you know what others are thinking and become obsessed with what you think they are thinking
Don’t want to be a burden on others
Worth wrapped up in results.
Goals that are made out of excitement soon become pressure points that cause pain.
4. How does it make you feel? What does being a perfectionist prevent you from doing or experiencing?!
It takes away joy
You feel trapped in your brain/like you are in a cage
Pressure builds up which leads to more anxiety & panic attacks
You don’t want to try new things
5. Are there things that your parents do or day that make it worse?
Getting frustrated, mad, impatient with or questioning perfectionist tendencies
Saying things like “it doesn’t need to be perfect.” “Just get it done.”
Trying to solve the problem for the perfectionist
ALL the above feels invalidating and scary because perfectionist is losing control/not in control
6. Things that parents do or say that are helpful?
Help perfectionist feel safe “you have all the time you need to get this done.”
Say “help me understand.”
Allow them to pour out the messy thoughts n their head no mater how irrational they may seem; so they can process and move through feelings
Ask, “How can I help you with this?”
7. Things that help THIS perfectionist steer the car instead of letting her perfectionism drive!
-Putting yourself specifically into situations that you know you will struggle in, are scary or new to you. This helps you learn more about yourself and what you love and shows you that you can do hard things. It is so empowering after you have survived the scare.
-Try on the thought “What is the best that can happen?”
-Practice seeing the big picture.
-Don’t spend 5 minutes on something that won’t matter in 5 years…ie it seems like everything is important but honestly it isn’t. Let go of this feeling that everything you do needs to be special or important or make a mark.
-Give yourself permission to mess up.
Check out other episodes in this series:
How Do I Accept Myself?
How To See A Miracle Everyday
Hugs,
Alli
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